After An Ectopic Pregnancy, We're Still Trying To Conceive
Having a child is usually a happy time in a woman’s life. Unfortunately, as we wait longer to have children, infertility and trouble conceiving can become a part of the family making process. Unbearable addresses these difficulties.
On the last day of 2011, I went in to surgery to remove an ectopic pregnancy and the Fallopian tube it had destroyed. Obviously, it was just not my year to have a baby.
In the beginning of 2011, I was exasperated from trying to get pregnant for seven months without success. I was beginning to worry that something was wrong. The monthly disappointment was getting harder and harder to handle. Throughout this year, my husband and I would see fertility doctors and run multiple tests. I would start the all-consuming process that is dubbed trying to conceive. And in May I would start writing about my experience for the whole world to see.
In December, I believed that my year-long struggle had finally paid off. I was preparing to say goodbye to Unbearable and to share my joyous news with my family. Just weeks after writing about that emotional extra Christmas stocking, I was prepared to start using it. In fact, that centimeter-long little one in my abdomen received more than just a stocking at Christmas. My family, just as excited as I was, bought blankets, rattles and small toys for the first official Christmas of this amazing blessing.
And then just a few days later, I found out that the baby couldn t survive and would have to be removed. It was truly one of the most horrible experiences of my life. I don t think I have any other words to describe it, which is saying something for a woman who writes every day.
A week after my surgery, as my husband and I were trying to clean up the left-over Christmas clutter from our house, we came across the bag of presents we had received for the baby. My husband tried to put them away quickly, wanting to spare me from pain. He tried to comfort me by saying that we would need them some day in the future. We would keep trying, and soon we would have a little one who needed that Taggie blanket.
No, I told him, these belonged to someone. These presents belonged to the baby we lost. We may not know its sex and it may not have a name, but that was still my baby. I talked to it, from the minute that I knew it existed. I loved it with every fiber of my being. For me, this was a person. And I couldn t just transfer presents from the baby I lost to a new, future baby that I still hoped to have.
That day, as my husband and I packed away those toys for a little one that we ll never get to meet, we made a decision. As we said goodbye to the baby that brought us hope, we knew that we wouldn t stop trying to get pregnant. It s scary because we know that after one ectopic pregnancy, you re more likely to have another. There s a possibility that I ll have to go through this horrible loss and grief all over again. I know that with one Fallopian tube gone, I ll have to rely on just a single ovary to give us another chance. My pregnancy will be high-risk from the start, and probably a little more emotional. But none of that will stop us.
In the past month, we ve struggled. We lost a child that we wanted very badly and loved very much. But we ve also regained hope that pregnancy is possible for us. We ve remembered why we re working so hard to grow our family to begin with. For those shorts weeks, we experienced a joy that is unlike anything else in the world. And no matter how scary or emotional it is, we re going to keep trying to have another child, not to replace the one we lost, but to add its own special joy into our lives and our family. Be Sociable, Share! Tweet My Miscarriage Taught Me To Stand Up Against My DoctorsUnbearable: More Eggs Don t Increase Chances For IVF SuccessUnbearable: The Threat Of Twins Terrifies My HusbandUnbearable: Personhood Amendments Gain Traction And Continue To Threaten IVFUnbearable: Donate To These Infertility Support Networks This Holiday Season Be Sociable, Share! Tweet Tweet Related Topics: Pregnancy Health • Infertility • pregnancy risks • Trying to Conceive • unbearable Kate
Lindsay, i dont know how comforting it is or not, but I have a coworker who had an ectopic pregnancy, and a bit of time later had a daughter (whos now in high school!) She was also over 35. I know she has said how trying and difficult it was, but eventually had the baby they desired so much. Lindsay Cross
Lindsay love, your candor is beautiful as always. Sending you lots of hugs (maybe even a cuddle, too) you re in my thoughts. Jules
I m so glad you re not giving up, even though trying is so frustratig. Good for you, everyone who reads your columns is pulling for you and hoping for you to have a happy ending! Rachael
Thank you guys all for your thoughts and encouragement. The support I ve received from our readers has been truly amazing. I can t tell you all how much it means me. Heather
Lindsay I m so glad you re going to keep trying. I enjoy reading your articles despite the tears they occasionally bring. But I also desperately want to read your next series when Unbearable is finally behind you. CL
I am so sorry you had to go through that. For what it s worth, my grandma had an ecotopic pregnancy back in the 1940 s. She very nearly died, the medical field not being what it is today. She went on to have my uncle my mom, both healthy she s still going strong today at 88!
I had an ectopic pregnancy in Dec 2010 and got pregnant in March my husband is upstairs trying to get here to fall asleep as I type. It is hard and scary to think of maybe having another one, but try to stay positive and excited to try again when you are ready! Good luck. Kerry
Best of luck to you. It took us a year to concieve again after my ectopic pregnancy, but it did happen. I had ectopic at age 35, and am now 36 and pregnant. I read somewhere that the risk of having a second ectopic is around 15%. Not insurmountable! Jaclyn
We also lost a baby after infertility. It was our first and I was 24 weeks. I had registered at Babies R Us and bought a bunch of cute little outfits for our son and having to deal with all that stuff, all those reminders, was one of the hardest things I ve ever done. I returned some things, but I kept a few outfits of his and I know no other baby of ours will ever wear them. I promise you though, the pain becomes less overwhelming with time. Good luck on your journey.
Lindsay, I read your account and it felt like reading my own diary. I too talked to my first baby before he was removed with the tube he was growing in and I know he was listening. The second ectopic pregnancy was interrupted before it got to life saving surgery. Now I am 40 and I don t expect to become a mum at this stage however I have decided to start charting with Napro as my last chance to maybe satisfy that desire to see ectopic pregnancy explained. Remember when they knew nothing about cancer when we were children and made us believe there was no known cause or cure? In normal hospital practise I am tagged as a subject with unexplained infertility and suitable for IVF. My personal beliefs make IVF a no-go so Napro is my last chance. No matter how it goes for me if I find any answers on how to prevent ectopic pregnancies I will get back to you.
I lost my baby in 23 may this year n im trying for a baby but i dnt think i get pregnant after eptopic pregnant it still hard for me n my husband i hope we can in the long run angela
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I have to get this off my chest because if not ill continue to think of it night and day ..itsbeen like six years since i had my eptopic surgery .i lost one of my tubes .and now ive NEVER been pregnant since ..im still in my early twenties and it feels like life will never be the same without a child everyday i rub my stomach ..i pray .i ask the lorf to forgive all my sins ..just please bless me with a child someday .i see plenty mothers who dont even deserve the children they have because they treat them like crap and it makes me cry because oh how beautiful it would to conceive and carry yhat child yhat they so easily take for granted ..i guess it is what it is .im tired of crying every night. Im tired of hurting im sorry if this brings anyone down .but i had to let it out somewhere ..good luck to those still trying Glen Victoria
i am Victoria Glen from USA i want to say hallelujah to lord for using Dr Babaka of email@example.com to bless my womb, i have been married for the past 10year without a child i have look for all kind of help that can make me get pregnant but nothing works, but through an insight i came across Dr Babaka profile at the internet when i was searching for help on how i can get a baby, Quickly i contacted him to help me out, he said he will cast a spell that will make me sleep with my partner and get pregnant so he said he need to buy some of the other items he will use in casting the spell from the market that he want me to send him the money he will use in buying the items so i gave him the money and he cast the spell for me and ask me to go and lie with my partner so i did to my greatest surprise i became pregnant after that week so with so much joy in my heart i want to share this out to everyone in need that i have found favor in the hands of Dr Babaka of firstname.lastname@example.org, contact him now to via email : email@example.com Amber
Hello I had an ectopic pregnancy when I was 28 was my first pregnancy and only 2 weeks after finding out I was pregnant, the doc told me I was having a miscarriage. Well almost a month later and many methotrexate shots to dissolve the baby growing in my tube, they finally cut it out. Thebaby was still growing. I am 33 now and desperately wanting a baby. Just don t want to get my hopes up if its not possible All I know to do is keep praying. God bless. Amber Lidia Mckinney
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